Of Maids And Men
by Cattleman
Summary: A freak accident in Kino teleports Roberta and Fabiola back in time. Will they now adapt to their situation and fight alongside Takeo, Nikolai, Dempsey and Richtofen? Or get eaten? Rated T for language, and some blood and gore. NOTE: Not really romance.


_Hello there, readers! This here is just a very strange crossover I'm working on. Hope you enjoy it! Note: Possible spoilers for Black Lagoon. Not entirely sure about Black Ops. _

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Call of Duty: Black Ops or Black Lagoon_

**Kino Der Toten: Sometime during the 1960s**

Tank Dempsey stood on the stage and watched as the zombies swarmed around the Monkey Bomb which he threw across the room. Seconds later, it exploded, taking all the zombies with it. "K.I.A. ZOMBITCHES!" he cheered as the remains of the zombies splattered the walls with blood and gore. Aiming down his sights, he began to pick off any approaching zombies with his M16. Behind him, Takeo Masaki and Nikolai Belinski easily mowed down zombies that were walking in from the side entrances and crawling through windows into the stage, Takeo ripping them up with his AK74u and Nikolai over-killing them with his RPK. Dempsey shouted at them, "Hey guys! Where the hell did Richtofen go?" His question was answered when the mad doctor ran in from the main entrance to the theater and switched on the Electro-Shock Defense, laughing manically as the zombies behind him roasted. He began to shoot into the dying crowd of zombies with his MP40. "NO! NO! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FALL APART LIKE ZAT! AHAHAHAHA!" he laughed as he began to shoot at surrounding zombies as well. The other three heroes on the stage continued the massacre. They would not stop until every single zombie was obliterated.

**The Lovelace Manor, Venezuela: 1996**

Midnight, in the garden of the Lovelace Manor, the assassin-turned-maid Roberta stood amongst the lush vegetation and stared at the moon. It was a beautiful, illuminated night, the stars high above easily visible in the expanse of darkness. Inside the mansion, Roberta's younger, also-deadly subordinate Fabiola walked through the hallways, dusting off anything that looked remotely tarnished. With Master Garcia asleep, maybe she could catch some sleep. She had been awake the entire day, cleaning and tending to the Master's needs. As she passed by a window looking into the garden, she noticed Roberta standing in the garden, simply looking up at the night sky. Curious, she walked into the garden and addressed Roberta.

"Head Matron? Is there something wrong?" she asked. She noticed that the Head Matron had an unusually serene smile on her face. Roberta turned to Fabiola, "No, Fabiola. Nothing is wrong. Is the Master asleep?" she asked. Fabiola nodded, "Yes, Head Matron, he is." she replied. Roberta smiled at her and returned to silently gazing at the sky, "Very good. You have my permission to rest for the night. I will check on him later." she replied curtly. "Thank you, Head Matron." said Fabiola, who was still curious about the Head Matron's behavior. Nevertheless, she turned to walk to her quarters. Suddenly, Roberta called out to her.

"Fabiola?" she said, "I have something to tell you." Fabiola turned and walked back to Roberta, "Yes, Head Matron?" she asked, more and more unsettled by the Head Matron's demeanor. Roberta looked into her eyes and put her hands on her shoulders, and spoke to her slowly, "Fabiola. Listen. The Master… is a very fine young man. He is fit for a blessing from the Lord himself, is he not?" she asked. Fabiola replied, "Indeed, Head Matron." and she really did think so. The Master was a person who she would willingly go through Hell and back for. He had already proven himself a virtuous, brave, and mature person despite his young age. Roberta continued, "Good, then you must understand; if anything happens to me, then you are the only one left to ensure the Master's safety."

**Kino Der Toten: Sometime during the 1960s **

Takeo smirked as he swiftly decapitated a zombie with his katana. "You die with no honor!" he muttered as he watched the headless corpse fall to the floor. The four were in the process of killing the remaining undead.

After several minutes, their work finally ended when Nikolai shot a zombie in the torso until it was in halves. He walked up to its crawling form and finished it off with a curb stomp. Exhausted, the men sat on the steps of the stage. Nikolai was busy gulping down vodka, Richtofen was examining a dead zombie next to him with unusual interest, Takeo was admiring the sharpness of his katana, and Dempsey was checking his gun for problems.

"How long've we been stuck here for, days?" Dempsey moaned. Richtofen looked up from the zombie and at Dempsey, "Uhh, no. Actually, ve have been here for a little less zen 3 hours." Dempsey glared at him and yelled, "What're you, callin' me stupid? How about this, next time you piss me off," he began to pulled out his Bowie Knife, " I'll take my knife and shove it up your-" "Quiet, American," interrupted Takeo, "and before you threaten me with your puny blade, you should listen. These demons will become stronger, and they could return any time soon, so I suggest everyone…" he pointed at the Mystery Box in the middle of the room"…use the Box. It would also be a good idea to use the soda machines." he finished. Dempsey fumed and gave him a look, but got up and headed towards the Box, followed by Takeo. He opened it and watched as it randomly selected a weapon. A Commando appeared and he grabbed it, slinging his M16 around his shoulder. "Alright! Those bone-jaws better get ready to die!" he cheered, satisfied. Takeo opened it next and silently watched as the Box shifted through guns. An AUG finally appeared. He grabbed it, also content with his weapon. "With this gun, I cannot be defeated!" he declared. Tank rolled his eyes, "Yeah, let's hear you say that when a freakbag's biting you in the ass." he mumbled.

**The Lovelace Manor: 1996**

Fabiola was confused. "Head Matron? What do you mean by 'if something happens to me'?" she said. Her eyes widened, "Are you suggesting that you will be going somewhere?" she asked, frightened at the possibility of losing the Head Matron again. Roberta shook her head, "No, Fabiola. That is not what I am suggesting. You realize what I am… capable of, correct?" she said quietly. Fabiola nodded, reflecting on the almost unnatural skills that the Head Matron possessed. From blocking and breaking chainsaw chains with two pistols to taking down elite soldiers armed with assault rifles with nothing more than a musket while in close combat, she was a fearsome opponent to all her enemies. Anyone, living or dead should run as fast as they possibly can in the event she decided to hunt them down. The Head Matron continued, "In the past, I used those abilities to cause harm and death to those who did not deserve it. I did not realize that until it was too late. Eventually, the future will likely bring retribution, in some form. Fabiola, I require you to be ready for that day, if, and when it comes." Fabiola opened her mouth to reply, but she could not find words to speak. It was true, the Head Matron _had_ committed violent, immoral atrocities during her younger years, but she did not want anything to happen to the Head Matron that she knew…

**Kino Der Toten: Sometime during the 1960s**

Takeo turned to the other two men sitting on the steps "Doctor, I suggest you partake in the Box's use. Same for you, Russian." he said. Richtofen put down the severed arm he was examining and replied, "Nein, zis MP40 is simply extraordinary! I vill utilize the box if I require any more firepower." Nikolai, sitting next to him, didn't respond. His vodka bottle was now empty and he looked asleep. Nobody paid attention to him, as he was more or less ready for combat with the RPK he obtained from the Box earlier. He had repeatedly opened it until the RPK came out. The Teddy Bear appeared after and the Box teleported, forcing everyone else to purchase weapons from the wall. Dempsey then asked Richtofen, "Hey Doc? What the hell's that huge metal bell-looking thing over there?" he said, gesturing at a large machine on the side of the stage. "Zat," said the Doctor, "is a Teleporter. Though, it is not online. Let me see if I can…" he walked into a space under the machine and a noise was heard. "Aaah, good! Just like I suspected. Now…" he spotted a long, thick wire running from the back of the Teleporter to the entrance leading to the main lobby. He walked into the lobby and spotted a platform on the ground. He stepped on it and another noise was heard. The wire, he saw, seemingly now had electricity flowing through it.

"Hey! Richtofen! I think you turned it on or something!" he heard Dempsey yell from the theater. Richtofen grinned, "JA! JA! The Doctor is victorious, you pathetic machine! I have solved your puzzle!" He walked back into the theater when suddenly, Nikolai got up and began to flail his arms around wildly. "LOOK AT ME! I AM DANCING!" he screamed. The others watched in horror as he began to wildly shoot around the room with his RPK. "YOU FUCKIN' IDIOT!" Dempsey shouted as he, along with Takeo and Richtofen, went prone to avoid getting shot. Thankfully, the RPK ran out of ammo, allowing Dempsey and Takeo to run over to Nikolai and wrestle him to the ground. Richtofen stood up as well and noticed something that infuriated, and _somewhat frightened_ him.

Nikolai had shot the wire leading to the Teleporter. The large machine was now emitting random bolts of electricity and the current flowing through the wire was now erratic due to the bullet inside it. The Teleporter suddenly let loose a continuous burst of electricity from the teleporting pad that seemingly vanished into mid-air. Richtofen shouted at the now-sober Nikolai, "YOU IDIOT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE JUST DONE?" Nikolai groggily replied. "No. Where's my vodka and what are you two doing? Are you coming on to me?" he said to Takeo and Dempsey, who were pinning him down. Takeo gazed up at the trail of electricity, just leading into thin air, and he had a vague idea about what was happening.

"The machine is opening paths… into parts unknown."

**The Lovelace Manor: 1996**

" Head Matron…" Fabiola began, "I…" she paused, "I simply do not believe that anything will happen to you." she finished. Roberta stared at her in surprise, "But… why?" she said to Fabiola, "I have been… a bloodthirsty hound for most of my life. My recent actions after the former Master passed away further proved that-" "Head Matron!" interrupted Fabiola, "No. You fail to realize that your suspicions are without merit, simply because…" she stopped and grabbed Roberta by the shoulders, "You are no longer who you were. You are no longer a murderer, nor a servant for criminals. You are Roberta, a servant of the Lovelace Family. You must remember that, Head Matron. This Family needs you." she finished. Roberta was speechless. Perhaps Fabiola did have a point. She and Garcia had both grown so much in recent times…

"Fabiola," Roberta began, "I think that you are-"she stopped abruptly at the sight of a black cloud that suddenly appeared in the middle of the night sky. Seconds ago, mere _seconds _ago, there was absolutely nothing there other than the stars and the moon. "What is wrong, Head Matron?" asked Fabiola. She followed Roberta's gaze and saw the cloud as well.

Suddenly, a series of bolts of electricity erupted from the cloud and flew towards them at a very fast speed. "FABIOLA! GET OUT OF THE WAY!" yelled Roberta, as she rolled away from the bolts, but Fabiola was too late to react. The electricity struck her and enveloped her in a blue light. "NO!" screamed Roberta, but mysteriously, Fabiola just disappeared in a flash of light. She was simply gone. There wasn't a corpse, or even a scorch mark or any signs of electrical damage on the spot where she had stood. Roberta wondered what had just happened while she panicked. Had Fabiola just... disappeared into thin air? Roberta then realized that Fabiola hadn't been struck by simple thunder. The lightning… the unnatural bolts… had they… taken her somewhere?

The cloud casted more bolts, but Roberta was too late to move. The bolts hit her and enveloped her in electricity. She could feel her skin go slightly numb, and she began to feel nauseous…

**Kino Der Toten: Sometime in the 1960s**

"Okay, this is what we'll do," said Dempsey, "we don't know what the hell's going to come out of the Teleporter, so everyone aim your guns at it. If whatever pops up screams, moans, or makes bug noises, SHOOT THE FUCK OUT OF IT!" he yelled. All four had their guns trained on the Teleporter as the pad began to crackle with electricity. They saw a short figure begin to materialize amidst the electricity…

…And instead of a super-powerful zombie or an alien, a young girl in maid dress stood, her eyes widened in shock and her mouth agape. Everyone lowered their weapons and their jaws dropped, except for Nikolai. "Richtofen! You did not tell me this machine makes maids! Hey maid, give me vodka!" he said. He walked up to her, and instead of giving him a bottle of vodka, she keeled over and vomited at his feet. "That is not vodka!" he complained. Takeo suddenly pushed him aside and supported the girl, who was now looking everywhere frantically, fear evident in her eyes as she saw the dead zombies and the dilapidated theater she suddenly found herself in. Takeo helped her to the steps and she sat down. "Are you… alright?" he said slowly. She stared into his eyes and began to speak, "Wh- where am I? What just happened? Where is… where is-" "Whoa, whoa, settle down kid," urged Dempsey, "uhh, ok… guys, help me out, 'cause I really don't know how to explain this… what's your name, kid?" Despite her shock, she replied, "…Fabiola. Fabiola Iglesias."

Behind Dempsey, Richtofen was examining the girl from a distance. "Vhat an unexpected outcome" he thought. "This little maid, Fabiola… vhere did she come from? Another time and place? I vill have to question her later" he thought.

Fabiola's mind was boggled. She had… teleported to this strange place. Incredible. She had heard about the concept of teleportation before, but had always been too busy helping her family make a living to give it any thought. What was the large machine that she had reappeared in? A Teleporter? That could wait. What concerned her much, much more was her current predicament. She was now in a largely destroyed theater, with four strangers armed with guns, all wearing what seemed to be military uniforms, though the uniforms looked different, with each a different color and a different design. Their ethnicities seemed to be different also. The man who had greeted and requested vodka from her spoke with a Russian accent, the man who had helped her to the steps seemed to speak with an Asian accent, and the katana strapped to his waist implied that he was of Japanese descent, the blonde man behind the Japanese man spoke like an American, and a fourth man who was standing farther away… he had not spoken, but she saw that he was wearing an armband with a swastika on it. She decided that he was German.

What could a German, an American, a Russian, and a Japanese man be doing, armed to the teeth, in a destroyed theater, with decayed corpses surrounding them? She looked at the bodies. She had seen her fair share of blood and gore, and of course, and dished out a very large amount of it herself, but these bodies… some of their faces were so decayed, they barely looked human. She then noticed the swastika armbands some of them had. So, were these German men in life? And was she in Germany? Were they somehow connected to the German man? And why were these corpses here? She heard a zapping noise and turned her head to see that the large machine she had exited from was generating electricity. The space she had teleported into began to fill with electricity as well. The four men raised their guns and aimed at the space.

Everyone readied themselves as a taller figure began to materialize in the light just like Fabiola had. "Get back, Fabol-, uh, Faba-, bleh, kid. Who knows what'll come out this time" warned Dempsey. Fabiola, despite the circumstances, rolled her eyes, but then widened them upon seeing the familiar, pale, black-robed, dark-haired young woman who was now standing in the Teleporter.

Roberta was hit by a sudden wave of nausea, but managed to keep herself from throwing up. She examined her surroundings and to her dismay, saw that she was in a very run-down theater with four uniformed men, armed with firearms standing in front of her, as well as a large amount of corpses lying around the area. The scent of death was almost overwhelming. "This is not good" she thought. Fabiola called out to her in relief and began to run towards her. "Head Matron! Head Matron!" she yelled. Fabiola hugged Roberta with almost crushing strength. "Head Matron… I am so glad you are here." Roberta patted her on the back and got her to let go. She wanted answers at once. This situation was just too strange. "Fabiola, I am relieved to see you as well. But tell me, where are we? Why are we in an abandoned theater with corpses covering every inch of its floor, and just who," she pointed at Dempsey, Nikolai, Takeo and Richtofen, "are these men?" Fabiola shook her head, "Head Matron… I have no answers to give you."

Dempsey decided to introduce himself, but paused as he heard sounds that chilled him to the bone; the faint screams of the undead echoing in the distance. They were coming into the theater. Evidently, everyone else heard them as well. "The demons are coming" said Takeo, as he, Nikolai, and Richtofen readied their weapons and prepared for bloodshed, while Fab- whatever, and the new girl were looking around confusedly. "Uh… the tall one's actually really hot… WAIT FUCK THAT!" he thought.

"HEY GIRLS! I KNOW YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON BUT LISTEN! GO TO THAT BOX OVER THERE AND OPEN IT! USE IT TWICE AND GRAB WHATEVER COMES OUT!" shouted Dempsey as he gestured to the Box. Fabiola quickly turned to Roberta. "Head Matron, what is happening? What did that man mean by "demons"? she said frantically. She heard the screams in the distance. They sounded… unholy, and were frightening her. Roberta did not respond, but was staring at the corpses. She figured out what they were, and replied, "Fabiola, I believe I know what those… corpses… actually are. They are the undead". Fabiola's eyes widened in fear. "Un-undead?" she whispered. Roberta nodded, a grave, but determined look on her face. "We must purge them from this Earth if we want to survive, and have any hope of returning to the Master. Questions will be asked later." she finished. Fabiola stared at the Head Matron in awe. She was a truly fearless woman. Though she felt intense fear at the thought of facing screaming, flesh-hungry walking corpses, she nodded, and she began to regain courage. "Yes… yes. Let us fight side-by-side, Head Matron!" she declared with confidence. Roberta smiled. Her protégée did not disappoint.

The two maids rushed to the box as the screaming got closer and closer. Fabiola opened it, and was pleasantly surprised at what came out; a China Lake grenade launcher and several grenades. She had used one of these before to great effect in order to combat multiple unruly gangsters in a certain bar. She loaded the weapon and cocked it, ready to destroy the undead hordes with it. The Box closed and was then opened by Roberta, who was given a pair of CZ75 pistols and clips. She looked the weapons over and loaded them with a clip each. "Satisfactory" she said.

Suddenly, a groan was heard and one of the windows, which was barred by wooden planks, began to give way as several zombies tried to make their way in. "HEY! ARE YOU GIRLS READY OR DO YOU WANNA BECOME FOOD FOR FREAKS?" shouted Dempsey, as he ran to the window and opened fire on the zombies with his Commando. "Sir, I believe we are prepared." Roberta calmly responded, her CZs at the ready. "THEN EVERYONE GET YOUR ASSES ON THE STAGE!" he continued. Takeo, Nikolai, Dempsey, Richtofen, Fabiola, and Roberta rushed to the stage. Takeo and Richtofen took the right side entrances of the stage, Dempsey and Nikolai covered the left side entrances, and Roberta and Fabiola covered the front. The zombies began to come in full force.

"WHA- ARE YOU INSANE?" screamed Dempsey, oblivious to the actual capabilities of the two maids, "GET BEHIND US!" Roberta and Fabiola ignored him, staring at their new foes. The zombies slowly walked towards them, arms outstretched, wanting to satisfy their insatiable hunger with fresh meat. Roberta grinned at these adversaries, the Bloodhound in her beginning to show itself once more, and she turned to her younger counterpart. "In The Name Of Santa Maria…" Roberta began as she raised her CZ's at the walking corpses. Fabiola smirked as she aimed with her China Lake and finished her mentor's sentence, "An Iron Hammer To All… The Undead!"

The Maids and Men were ready for War.

_Note: I realize that the katana is not usable in Zombie and is only part of Takeo's character model, but for the purposes of this fanfic, he will make use of it. For Black Lagoon fans: this takes place not long after the "El Baile De La Muerte" chapters end, so Roberta isn't in her regular maid suit, but is in the black robe she's seen wearing at the end of volume 9. For Black Ops fans… sorry if you get confused. And yes,to anyone who caught it, the title is a reference to the 1937 novella "Of Mice And Men" by John Steinbeck. Updating later! _


End file.
